- Sexuality, intimacy, power / Muriel Dimen - Details - Trove
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- Relational Perspectives Book Series
Here comes Cheryl Fraser to offer clarity, encouragement, and some very sound advice about how to ignite passion while remaining aware. At the same time, she performs an invaluable service to rapidly growing numbers of lay people embracing meditation and Buddhism as the path to a better life. Buddhist teachings, traditionally the province of celibate monastics, can be confusing for lay practitioners when it comes to relationships, sensuality, and sexuality. Freedom from desire as a Buddhist goal seems inconsistent with sexuality in particular.
However, Fraser does a beautiful job of demonstrating how the transient lust that relationships begin with can be transformed into an expression of love, compassion, and a manifestation of the Seven Factors of Awakening. She applies a spectrum of Buddhist principles and practices to the inevitable suffering that arises in the quest for enduring love. Whether schooled in Buddhism or newly discovering its wisdom, readers will find abundant, readily accessible tools for handling disappointments and conflict, and overcoming negative reactivity.
As well as being simply fun to read, I found the book to be useful in many ways. From building curiosity in the bedroom to falling in love with your partner over and over again to practicing the skills of lovemaking, Fraser has created a meaningful book that, whether single or partnered, all can relish.
Awareness to the joy of love and sex is a wonderful way to live inside of relationship.
Sexuality, intimacy, power / Muriel Dimen - Details - Trove
My gratitude for a fantastic book! Cheryl not only lays out the path to greater sexual intimacy and happiness, but also practical skills that we can all do to enhance our lives and ultimately bring more love into the world. Please Sign In or Register to post a comment. Skip to main content. Buddha's Bedroom. Cheryl Fraser. Foreword by Jack Kornfield and Trudy Goodman.
Printer Friendly. Pages: Imprint: Reveal Press. Publication date: Jan Categories: Buddhism.
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ISBN: Availability: in stock. Availability: available. While some couples in sexless marriages are happy, the reality is that the more sex a couple has, the happier they are together. Remember that there is no set point for the right amount of sex in a marriage. The right amount of sex is the amount that makes both partners happy. If your sex life has waned, it can take time and effort to get it back on track. The best solution is relatively simple, but oh-so-difficult for many couples: Start talking about sex.
Hatfield of the University of Hawaii is one of the pioneers of relationship science. She developed the Passionate Love scale we explored earlier in this guide. When Dr. Hatfield conducted a series of interviews with men and women about their sexual desires, she discovered that men and women have much more in common than they realize, they just tend not to talk about sex with each other.
If you are like the couples in Dr. Here are the answers Dr.
Men and women can train themselves to protect their relationships and raise their feelings of commitment. In any given year about 10 percent of married people —12 percent of men and 7 percent of women — say they have had sex outside their marriage. The relatively low rates of annual cheating mask the far higher rate of lifetime cheating.
Among people over 60, about one in four men and one in seven women admit they have ever cheated. A number of studies in both animals and humans suggest that there may be a genetic component to infidelity. While science makes a compelling case that there is some genetic component to cheating, we also know that genetics are not destiny.
There are some personality traits known to be associated with cheating. A report in The Archives of Sexual Behavior found that two traits predicted risk for infidelity in men. The finding comes from a study of nearly 1, men and women.
In the sample, 23 percent of men and 19 percent of women reported ever cheating on a partner. Avoid Opportunity.
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In one survey, psychologists at the University of Vermont asked men and women in committed relationships about sexual fantasies. Fully 98 percent of the men and 80 percent of the women reported having imagined a sexual encounter with someone other than their partner at least once in the previous two months. The longer couples were together, the more likely both partners were to report such fantasies.
But there is a big difference between fantasizing about infidelity and actually following through. The strongest risk factor for infidelity, researchers have found, exists not inside the marriage but outside: opportunity. For years, men have typically had the most opportunities to cheat thanks to long hours at the office, business travel and control over family finances. But today, both men and women spend late hours at the office and travel on business. And even for women who stay home, cellphones, e-mail and instant messaging appear to be allowing them to form more intimate relationships outside of their marriages.
As a result, your best chance at fidelity is to limit opportunities that might allow you to stray. Committed men and women avoid situations that could lead to bad decisions -- like hotel bars and late nights with colleagues. Plan Ahead for Temptation. Men and women can develop coping strategies to stay faithful to a partner. A series of unusual studies led by John Lydon, a psychologist at McGill University in Montreal, looked at how people in a committed relationship react in the face of temptation.
In one study, highly committed married men and women were asked to rate the attractiveness of people of the opposite sex in a series of photos. Not surprisingly, they gave the highest ratings to people who would typically be viewed as attractive. Later, they were shown similar pictures and told that the person was interested in meeting them. In that situation, participants consistently gave those pictures lower scores than they had the first time around.
Other McGill studies confirmed differences in how men and women react to such threats. In one, attractive actors or actresses were brought in to flirt with study participants in a waiting room. Men who had just been flirting were less forgiving of the hypothetical bad behavior, suggesting that the attractive actress had momentarily chipped away at their commitment. But women who had been flirting were more likely to be forgiving and to make excuses for the man, suggesting that their earlier flirting had triggered a protective response when discussing their relationship.
Lydon said. The study also looked at whether a person can be trained to resist temptation. The team prompted male students who were in committed dating relationships to imagine running into an attractive woman on a weekend when their girlfriends were away. Because the researchers ethically could not bring in a real woman to act as a temptation, they created a virtual-reality game in which two out of four rooms included subliminal images of an attractive woman.
Most of the men who had practiced resisting temptation stayed away from the rooms with attractive women; but among men who had not practiced resistance, two out of three gravitated toward the temptation room. But if you worry you might be vulnerable to temptation on a business trip, practice resistance by reminding yourself the steps you will take to avoid temptation and protect your relationship.
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Picture Your Beloved. We all know that sometimes the more you try to resist something -- like ice cream or a cigarette -- the more you crave it. Relationship researchers say the same principle can influence a person who sees a man or woman who is interested in them.
The more you think about resisting the person, the more tempting he or she becomes.
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Focus on loving thoughts and the joy of your family, not sexual desire for your spouse -- the goal here is to damp down the sex drive, not wake it up. Keep Your Relationship Interesting. Scientists speculate that your level of commitment may depend on how much a partner enhances your life and broadens your horizons — a concept that Dr. To measure this quality, couples are asked a series of questions: How much does your partner provide a source of exciting experiences?
How much has knowing your partner made you a better person?
How much do you see your partner as a way to expand your own capabilities? The Stony Brook researchers conducted experiments using activities that stimulated self-expansion. Some couples were given mundane tasks, while others took part in a silly exercise in which they were tied together and asked to crawl on mats, pushing a foam cylinder with their heads.
The study was rigged so the couples failed the time limit on the first two tries, but just barely made it on the third, resulting in much celebration. Couples were given relationship tests before and after the experiment.